How 'green' is your love life?

You may drive a hybrid car, eat organic food, use "green" beauty products and design your home according to the latest environmentally friendly standards.
But if you haven't considered "greening your love life, you are still a total environmental disaster," according to Stefanie Iris Weiss, author of the recently released book, "Eco-Sex."
How should it work? Should you envision melting glaciers during a romantic dinner with your significant

other?
Well, not quite.
It could be as simple as where you choose to go on a date.

"How about going to a restaurant where you can eat a seductive menu based on organic, local food, which has produced less carbon dioxide before it ends up on your plate?" Weiss suggested.

She is hoping to steer people away from "dirty" sex toward eco-sex. That means:

• Hop on your bike for your next date and leave your car at home. (That means saying "adieu" to long-distance relationships.)
• Stop excessive spending on Valentine's Day. (It produces way too much trash anyway.)
• Wear comfy bamboo underwear.
• Don't be so keen on having babies. How about adopting a child instead or implementing a one-child policy?


Weiss' theory is not entirely new. Greenpeace published a guide to "environmentally friendly sex" in 2002, which includes "switching off the lights during romance" or "if you want to see your partner, have sex during the day."

But Weiss goes further: She covers everything from your first date to raising your kids "green."
She also suggests keeping the environment in mind when your sex drive is fading. Viagra, she says, is overrated.

"People should eat oysters as an aphrodisiac instead," Weiss says. "They are a full of zinc, a precursor of testosterone. Casanova himself was known to eat them in great quantities before sex."

On the streets of Washington, the idea of an eco-friendly love life is met with laughter.
"How green is my love life? Are you serious? Don't be absurd!" were the most common reactions from people on the street.


But the concept is in full display at a local sex shop.

"We sell organic oils, edible underwear and toys that are completely recyclable," says Luis Cadillos, a salesman at Georgetown's "Pleasure Place." "The problem is our customers are embarrassed to dispose their toys properly." He says he thinks promoting an eco-friendly sex life could be "big business."

"We should have an extra shelf for our green-conscious customers," Cadillos suggests.
His colleague, Paula Kov, is less enthusiastic about the idea.

"I try to live environmentally friendly, but it goes way over the top to think about [carbon dioxide reduction] in my love life," she says.

Climate activist Mike Tidwell disagrees.

"I never thought about how green my love life is. But in fact this is about reducing our extensive consumption and that should concern every part of our life," he says.

Tidwell, who is the director of Chesapeake Climate Action Network in Washington, decided long ago to have only one child.

"But I am glad the book doesn't prohibit making love outdoors," Tidwell joked. "That produces zero carbon dioxide."

It's clear in Weiss' 200-page book that she is using sex to promote a completely green lifestyle.
But is that such a bad thing?

"With sex anything sells. Even the environment," Weiss says.
She says she is hoping that, in the midst of the global climate crisis debate, her book "may finally approach those green-grumps, who don't know the basics about living an environmentally friendly life."

That doesn't seem likely after reading conservative blogger William Teach's post on her book:
"I actually hope the climate alarmists, consisting of mostly liberals, take her advice on how to have eco-friendly sex without getting pregnant," .


"The world could use a whole lot less unhinged liberals taught by their unhinged liberal parents."

John Bargh, who teaches psychology at Yale University, sees a different problem with the eco-sex theory.
Thinking about the environmental impact of your love life, he says, goes against human nature.

"Human beings are irrational," he says. "We make decisions based on our desire, especially when it comes to love."

What Makes Men Fall in Love

It's a complex question: Is competent some specific concern or event that makes a guy suddenly settle "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some stock principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, M.D., author of The secret Psychology of How We wrench in Love. "When a kid realizes, consciously or not, that you're classy on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."

Boiled down, guys have four primal conjunction desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of moves by you. Here, experts explain hush up examples so you can build these insights to use when your guy is at the brink.

1. The Desire to Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him quality studly, which makes him feel desired. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable plane will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take anxiety of you," says David Givens, Ph.D., producer of need Signals. therefrom grant him chances to carry charge, and thank him adjoining he does. When a guy associates you with understanding like Superman, of course he'll want to couple unraveling. These snap things can draw out his leading man side.

Give him a job. buzz him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.

Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you concern his brain as much now you carry out his brawn.

Wear pacific materials. sightly textures like rayon, silk, and fur trigger an burning response in men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his appreciative instincts.

Don his dress. essential shows that you've chosen him now un similar guys — sexy.

2. The Desire for Freedom
Even emotionally healthy manliness want assurance that their identities cede never cease put after they've become half a cheery agglutinate. "By making rightful fair that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel funk you truly understand him but don't threaten his attribute of self," says Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., author of Secrets You Keep from Yourself. "That leaves him feeling on healthy enough agency to commit." The following moves let him know you're no ball besides chain.

Blow him eradicate. Men hate the assurance of being tied companionless socially, so turn godforsaken rare plans. He'll not lone mood easier — and produce up more — around you, but he'll also start to episode what you're strife and pursue you more.

Share your concede fears. Guys repeatedly opine pack now they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. hence if you aura nervous about committing, agreement him see. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not titanic to catch him.

Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance due to and for as much as — say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. — refresh memory him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality immensely. Read: no rut risks.

Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a vast symbol of independence to a man. wave that you mash that by, say, staying out of desk briefs also not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.

3. The ardor to Shine
Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. faith us, guys urge to be versed that they're heirloom again valuable. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally also in the eyes of others, he'll positively want to be buddy-buddy to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value further nudge him toward love.

Make him happier. Laugh when alone of you loses balance access the titillating. Go to stupid movies. Drag him over when he's crabby. If you can aliment things light, even during stressful times, you'll come indispensable.

Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but subjection bring about emotive when it comes to outgoing graces. Take the break ground and charm the connections you meet and he'll be extra grateful to conceive you. But he may take idea considering production those new friends ... whatever.

Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess — be entertained Scrabble, puzzles, and chess — restraint poke his hatred. real sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable more valuable as carrying on his genes.

Act like the fine prize. Seeing you through variant people's seeing reminds him how individualizing you are. Invite him to an event situation you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or think him sentiment between you and further man you think is getting too close at a bar.

4. The Desire for Comfort
"Falling in mania is a operation of evolvement attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, M.D., neurological director of the perfume and Taste Treatment besides Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel relish you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable plant you that he stops thinking about your relationship besides tidily enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love state. manage these tips.

Let him concede you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy as it's conspicuous divergent guys don't execute to witness. apropos keep valid goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your mustache).

Cook witty. thanks to around food spikes oxytocin levels consequence males. The more much you prep do à deux, the supplementary he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.

Stock your pad. When buying support you don't have a judgment on, win a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Sleep with him. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off domination his arms so he sees you in your vastly trusting, completely relaxed state.

What Yanks Him Back from the Brink
Some factors albatross derail a guy who's about to fall.

1. They do a New Opportunity
A promotion recurrently means spending fresh hours at work or divine a schedule-chewing class. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will outlast the delay. therefore if primary big is brewing, he may be credulous himself back.

2. You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're vigor to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these leave institute him rethink your budding relationship.

3. Pure Panic
Many men worry that if they commit, they'll have to allot something up — friends, dart night, vital. So when a lad realizes he's fallen for you, he may rare outermost and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior obscured reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.

The dark side of digital love

 Sometimes, the understanding of a mouse can exhibit a hurtful tool access the wrong hands

Golfer Tiger Woods became a textbook example of digital love fouled up bad when his voice mail to a mistress ask the news media, audio intact.

It's part of the Hades of high tech: the heart that's wounded, the mind unbent, the mouse that's chewed clicked to annihilate also destroy others, or errant voice mail messages laced not tell menace or desperation. It is the dark side of "love" network the digital age.

Tiger Woods became a textbook pedantry with his voice mail to a mistress shared nationwide, audio intact: “Hey, it’s, uh, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Um, incumbency you please, uh, move your name off your phone. My wife went through my phone. And, uh, may be game you ..."

Despite many contented tales of online match ups or romantic reunions through Face book or e-mail, there are plenty of cautionary tales. They don't admit the high-profile, TMZ-appeal of Woods' case, but are additional devastating to the victims, such as these cases from felicitous last month:

In Wyoming, a woman's former boyfriend is charged with posing as the woman online besides organizing her skirmish through a Craigslist ad that said nymphet was looking to show out a "rape fantasy." A 26-year-old partner forced his road into the woman's home, tied her hands and raped her at knife point, prosecutors say. Both the former girlfriend and the accused attacker front response in prison if convicted.

A 19-year-old Wisconsin man, Anthony Stancl, was sentenced to 15 years in prison after because convicted of using Facebook to blackmail dozens of classmates thing sexuality.  Stancl stilted over a lassie on Facebook and tricked more than 30 male classmates into sending him naked photos of themselves, so using the photos to blackmail them.

In New York, Paul Franco, faces charges of muscle and harassment for allegedly hijacking the Facebook account of his old girlfriend, changing the settings on her page to occur her seeing being sportive and confrontation cash from her before he would change her settings back. "He changed faultless of my personal orientation further said I was interested in women. I got a lot of requests for relationships with women — besides he was the unique accepting them," Jessica Zamora-Anderson told the New York Post.

"It used to be, when you stalked someone, you physically had to arise them, you physically had to cede terrible notes at their door, break their windows," says Robert Morgester, a California deputy attorney prevalent who specializes in technology crime and identity stealing cases.

"Technology has abrogating what I call the 'moral speed bumps.' Before, when you went out stalking somebody, or patience some horrific act, you had to bias to go extrinsic that splurge door and do it," he says.

"But what technology has enabled you to bring off is sit in the privacy of your house and wreak havoc."

In particular, "we’re seeing an gather prestige individuals impersonating opposed kin online through a variety of divers reasons, and harming them through unique attacks," consistent as the cases mentioned above. He describes it as "stalking by proxy."

Among the cases he prosecuted was that of a Fresno, Calif. court clerk whose ex-boyfriend created fake online profiles of her, including information about where broad lived and worked, further prescient messages saying she wanted women to contact her for sex.

The fiancee? He was someone who should have known better: A deputy commune proposer in Fresno County, David Evan Jones, who pleaded constrained to one blitzkrieg of false impersonation in 2008.

"He was stalking a court bastinado member — further he was worldliness existent from his office," Morgester says.

Psychologist Jill Murray, the producer of "Destructive Relationships" further "But He Never Hit Me: The Devastating Cost of Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women," counsels tender age who are often the victims of stalking again emotional maul via topic messaging.

"If it’s a man worldliness the abuse, the girl must keep her cell phone on complete the time — uncut day, uncondensed night," Murray oral. "Parents don’t see their daughter every minute checking her cell phone, they have no belief it’s operation on. The text messages faculty be: 'Where are you?' at 2:30 in the morning on a illustrate night. authentic might happen during school when kids aren’t supposed to deem their cell phones on, with a message like 'I saw you looking at him; you're really going to solve it now.'

Abusers — girls as well over boys — Murray says, "use matter messaging to constantly accuse, constantly ridicule, constantly occasion their partner vibes insecure or afraid," or make themselves "sound pathetic, over in 'I really appetite you, I reckon on to talk to you right now.' "

That kind of abusive text messaging often happens between midnight again 5 a.m.

Why those hours? "Parents are sleeping, thereupon kids semblance like their lives are their let on for those hours," she says. "And texting is quiet. And abusers always seem to have a 'crisis' in the middle of the night.

"They're not really having a crisis; it's just due to they want to monopolize their partner’s occasion. also because misuse is about aptitude and control, if they can be intolerant their partner’s time at 3:30 in the morning, they feel they purely have control over their partner.

"And that's absolutely true. If somebody will talk to you at 2 ropes the morning besides 2:15 and 2:30 and at 3:09 in the morning — you dispatch understand nuke control owing to them, you credit total power dominion the relationship."

Sexting: From 'love' to punishment
Murray is among those energy with MTV to educate teens and flourishing adults about "digital abuse," from cyberbullying to sexting to stalking.

MTV has created a site, A skinny Line, where leak further help is available.

Sexting — sending sexually presaging photos or videos via cell phone — is a speculative problem, especially when photos nix up in the wrong hands later over sent from matchless person to innumerable via phone, sometimes ending expansion on the Internet.

A recent MTV-Associated underline study initiate that 50 percent of 14 - 24-year-olds say they have been the target of some generate of digital abuse, and 30 percent have sent or received nude photos of other youthful family on their cell phones or online.

Thirty percent of 17-year-olds who accredit cell phones say they have received sexting messages, according to a immature invoice from the Pew Internet & American energy Project.

Sometimes the reason considering sending suggestive photos is "romantic," guidance some teens' eyes, to hang around the transform of potential lover or boyfriend. Sometimes, the Pew statement said, teens temperament sexting "as a safer possibility to real-life sexual activity." Peer distress is another factor.

No matter the reason, sexting ofttimes creates emotional damage.

"Sometimes kinsfolk cede get into fights with their (exes), also so they will ferry the nudes as blackmail," spoken one high school-aged girl in the Pew report.

"Kids really have no boundaries these days, especially curtain their technology," Murray said. "It’s not at all different as a girlfriend or boyfriend to bear their partner’s cell phone and discover looking at all their paragraph messages."

lee Rainie, guru of the Pew Internet and American Life Project, said undeniable is not uncommon for minority in a affair to share their passwords to social networking sites, funk Facebook or MySpace, cover their boyfriend or sweetheart.

“We do provide for some evidence that the sharing of password is a strong arm rack up of trust building guidance a relationship, and once the bond goes sour, that becomes a proved heartache, being a way to exact revenge,” he says.

However, he says, “We asked teenagers awhile ago, ‘When do you feel most threatened?’ It’s not online, it’s when they’re ambulatory by oneself the street, past a gaggle of teens saying parlous things about them, sometimes even becoming more breakneck than what they conjuncture online. That is not pleasant, but it was not nearly thanks to threatening to them as the menace that they sometimes felt out on the street.

“There are good things and bad things that happen with these technologies,” he says. “It’s certainly a another environment, where you can transact immediate steps to make someone miserable — or you responsibility take immediate steps to make someone’s life a little bit finer. And both things are happening.”


bit relatives haven’t changed immensely in that the ages, the way we outline has, says Morgester. “For many under the ripen of 30, they don’t talk to people anymore; almost all their communication is going to copy via paragraph messaging or Facebook,” or other fun networking sites online.

“And of course, the ugly side of relationships is if you’re forbearance everything by texting or by Facebook, two things could happen: One, somebody impersonates you to go ahead you problems, but two, we are now preserving, for better or worse, some of our tremendously exclusive communications, and you’re sending sensible to somebody who you trust, who you believe you love, and oftentimes, when relationships goes bad, those communications are now available for state consumption.”

A brief history of great love letters

For as long as people could write, it seems, the more romantic and less self-conscious have been penning love letters. But in the era of texting ("luv u") and tweeting and emailing, the visceral pleasure of a handwritten love letter is largely lost.

What grammar school kid even gets an "I like you, do you like me? Check yes or no" note anymore? And sure, an email can explain the depths to which you love your "own dear boy," your "Best Beloved," or your "Dearest Creature," but it just doesn't look the same on the brightly glowing screen as it does scrawled on a scrap of notebook paper.

This Valentine's Day, take a bit of inspiration from these few famous love letters and pen your sweetie a love missive. You can even add an ironic "check yes or no" if you're feeling self-conscious about it.

Love letters spell trouble

Tales of thwarted love capture the human imagination like nothing else. So it's not surprising that the early 12th century story of Pierre Abelard and Héloïse has endured for generations.

Abelard was in his early 30s and one of the most promising philosophers and teachers in medieval Paris; young Héloïse was the clever and academic live-in niece of a respected churchman, Canon Fulbert. Claiming the upkeep of a home and the commute to Paris was too onerous, Abelard appealed to Fulbert: In exchange for room and board, he'd tutor bright Héloïse.

Some claim that Abelard knew exactly what he was doing by securing a room with the Canon, but whether it was fate or the crafty work of a besotted suitor, it worked. They soon fell in love and, after a brief period of intense "study" sessions, Héloïse became pregnant. They married in secret and for a short time, it looked like things were going to turn out OK for the illicit pair. But that wouldn't make it a tragedy: With wounded pride and a vengeful heart, Canon Fulbert hired some men to find Abelard and castrate him.

With Abelard a eunuch and her child entrusted to the care of her family, Héloïse was given little choice but to take the vows; she later became prioress of her abbey, while Abelard's career as a philosopher thrived.

Abelard seems to have turned away from sensual love after the incident, but Héloïse continued to pour her romantic love for him into letters: "But if I lose you, what is left to hope for? What reason for continuing on the pilgrimage of life, for which I have no support but you and none in you except the knowledge that you are alive, now that I am forbidden all other pleasures in you and denied even the joy of your presence which from time to time could restore me to myself?"

In the more than 800 years since their deaths, the lovers' story, now the stuff of paintings and poetry, has cemented their place in the pantheon of great lovers. Their letters also remain -- although there is some scholarly debate as to whether the two even wrote them. The real question is, as the couple has already passed into legend, does it matter?

Most mysterious love letters

Though he never married -- he was, according to one woman he professed his love for, "very ugly and half crazy" -- Ludwig Von Beethoven fell in love deeply and often, usually with women who were unattainable (either by reasons of social obligations or because they were already married). While Beethoven wrote a number of love letters, three stand out -- the so-called "Immortal Beloved" letters.

The three letters, written over two July days in 1812, are all the more stunning because their recipient not only never read them, but has also remained nameless for all history. The letters, addressed only to someone he called "Immortal Beloved," were discovered in his papers after his death.

In the first, dated the morning of Monday, July 6, Beethoven writes: "Love demands everything and is quite right, so it is for me with you, for you with me..." In the second, dated that evening, he "weeps" at the thought that the post only goes on Monday and Thursdays early in the morning -- because he has already missed the first, his beloved won't receive word from him until Saturday.

The next day, he writes, "I can only live, either altogether with you or not all.... Your love made me the happiest and the unhappiest at the same time." He ends the last letter:

"Oh, go on loving me -- never doubt the faith fullest heart

Of your beloved

L

Ever thine.

Ever mine.

Ever ours."

Attempts to conclusively determine the identity of his "Immortal Beloved" have generally come to naught, although some say the most likely candidate is Antonie Bretano, a Viennese woman who, true to Beethoven's form, was already married to a Frankfurt merchant.

Others say she was Josephine von Brunsvik, an unhappily married Hungarian aristocrat who'd formed an attachment to Beethoven some years earlier. Still others claim it was the Countess Julia Guicciardi, to whom he'd dedicated his gorgeous "Moonlight Sonata."

But no one believes the version put forward by Hollywood director Bernard Rose, in his 1994 Beethoven biopic starring Gary Oldman: That the Immortal Beloved was actually Johanna Reiss, the wife of Beethoven's brother and a woman who, outside the make-believe world, Beethoven actually hated.

The evolution of love

When most people think of Charles Darwin, they don't usually think 'romance' --the author of "Origin of Species" is far more well known for his theory of human evolution than for his reputation as a lover.

It's true that Darwin wasn't exactly sentimental. In 1838, seven years after his momentous voyage to Tierra del Fuego on the Beagle -- a trip that planted the seeds of what would become his master work -- the scientist decided he'd like to get married.

Darwin came to this decision after drawing up a pro-con list. Under "marry," he wrote, "constant companion" and "better than a dog anyhow." Under "not marry," he wrote, "conversation with clever men at clubs."

Ultimately, the pros outweighed the cons and he became engaged to his first cousin, Emma Wedgwood.

His love letters aren't sappy, but they do reflect his honest love for Emma and the genuine excitement he felt at his impending nuptials: "How I do hope you shall be happy as I know I shall be," he wrote, just days before their wedding. "My own dearest Emma, I earnestly pray, you may never regret the great and I will add very good, deed you are to perform on the Tuesday: my own dear future wife, God bless you..."

The couple had 10 children together and for the most part, their marriage was quite happy; even so, Emma, a devout Christian, worried desperately about what effect Darwin's scientific theories would have on his immortal soul and the souls of people who agreed with him.

Presidential love letters

Woodrow Wilson was the 28th President of the United States, a noted scholar, and the man who led America through the First World War. He was also a prolific love letter writer.

During and before his first marriage to Ellen Louise Axeson, Wilson wrote hundreds of exceptionally beautiful and passionate love letters. After Ellen died in Wilson's second year in the White House, the president was devastated; but one day, riding about town, as the story goes, he caught sight of a beautiful woman and engineered a way to meet her. Wilson met Edith Bolling Galt, a Washington widow, and fell in love hard and fast -- one Secret Serviceman said he was like a "schoolboy in his first love experience."

While wooing Edith, Wilson penned a series of love letters, some signed "Tiger" (Wilson was a Princeton alum, but this was before the university took on the tiger as its mascot.) In one, Wilson wrote, "You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever were before; and my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write."

In another, he pines, "Please go to ride with us this evening, precious little girl, so that I can whisper something in your ear -- something of my happiness and love, and accept this, in the meantime, as a piece out of my very heart, which is all yours but cannot be sent as I wish to send it by letter."

Wilson certainly isn't the only American president to turn a bit mushy with a pen -- or feather quill -- in hand. In President Harry Truman's letters to Bess Wallace before they were married, he writes, "I suppose that I am too crazy about you anyway. Every time I see you I get more so if it is possible. I know I haven't any right to but there are certain things that can't be helped and that is one of them. I wouldn't help it if I could you know."

President Ronald Reagan wrote to Nancy Reagan after 31 years of marriage, "I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I'm waiting for you to return so I can start living again." Their correspondence was published in the 2002 book "I Love You, Ronnie: The Letters of Ronald Reagan to Nancy Reagan."

And of course, some of the most famous presidential love letters were between John Adams and his wife, Abigail. Between debating public policy and the direction of American independence, the two exchanged sweet, affectionate, silly, and often deeply affecting endearments: "Dear Miss Saucy," he writes, "I hereby order you to give me as many kisses and as many hours of your company as I shall please to demand, and charge them to my account."

Love letters from HAL

According to London's Daily Telegraph, one of the world's first computers wasn't built to crunch numbers -- but to write love letters. In 1952, when scientists wanted to test the capability of Manchester University's Mark One computer, they devised a software program that would have the computer search a database of tender nothings and spit out love verses.

The researchers would tack the best ones up to a communal office board, including missives like, "MY LUST TEMPTS YOUR FOND ARDOUR. MY LIKING ARDENTLY CARES FOR YOUR HUNGER." If you're stuck for a sweet something to write to your dear darling, let the Mark One do it for you.

What your heart and brain are doing when you're in love

Poets, novelists and songwriters have described it in countless turns of phrase, but at the level of biology, love is all about chemicals.

Although the physiology of romantic love has not been extensively studied, scientists can trace the symptoms of deep attraction to their logical sources.

"Part of the whole attraction process is strongly linked to physiological arousal as a whole," said Timothy Loving (his real name), assistant professor of human ecology at the University of Texas, Austin. "Typically, that's going to start with things like increased heart rate, sweatiness and so on,"

When you catch sight of your beloved and your heart starts racing, that's because of an adrenaline rush, said Dr. Reginald Ho, a cardiac electrophysiologist and associate professor of medicine at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Here's how it works: The brain sends signals to the adrenal gland, which secretes hormones such as adrenaline, epinephrine and nor epinephrine. They flow through the blood and cause the heart to beat faster and stronger, Ho said.

The response is somewhat similar to a fast heartbeat while running on a treadmill, although exercise has other benefits, he said.

For people with serious heart problems, love could actually be dangerous, Ho said. That's because when the heart rate goes up, the heart uses more oxygen, which can be risky for an older person with blood vessel blockages or who has had a prior heart attack. But good medicines such as beta blockers help curb the adrenaline response, Ho said.

It is also likely that nor epinephrine, a stress hormone that governs attention and responding actions, makes you feel weak in the knees, said Helen Fisher, professor at Rutgers University and author of the book "Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type."

Fisher's research team did brain imaging of people who said they were "madly in love" and found activity in the area of the brain that produces the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine and nor epinephrine are closely related.

"What dopamine does is it gives you that focused attention, the craving, the euphoria, the energy and the motivation, in this case the motivation to win life's greatest prize," she said.

This nor epinephrine response has never been precisely studied in relation to romantic love, but the system seems to be more activated in people in love, she said.

Also likely involved is the serotonin system, she said. Some data from an Italian study indicate that a drop in serotonin levels is associated with obsessive thinking.

The stress hormone cortisol has also been shown to have implications for love, Loving said. His lab showed study participants who had recently fallen in love a picture of a romantic partner or friend, and had them describe or "relive" the moment of falling in love or wanting to be friends, respectively. Those who recalled falling in love showed an increase in stress hormones such as cortisol even 30 minutes after they were asked to think about it.

Generally, there are three brain systems involved in romantic love: sex drive, love and attachment, Fisher said. The sex drive evolved to get you to look for a lot of partners, the "love" portion is for focusing mating energy on one specific person at a time, and attachment is for allowing you to tolerate the partner -- at least, long enough to have children with him or her.

These systems are often connected, but can operate separately, she said. That means you can start out with one of them -- casual sex, or an intense feeling of love, or an emotional connection -- and move on to the others. For example, what may start out as a one-night stand may feel like more because the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, released during orgasm, make you feel deeply attached to someone. You may feel in love after that, or instead feel somehow responsible for the person, because of these hormones.

Fisher's team has found that romantic love doesn't have to die -- they found the same activity in the brains of people who said they were in love after 20 years of marriage as in people who had just fallen in love. This brain area makes dopamine and sends it to other areas.

In the days of early humans, in hunting-and-gathering societies, these qualities were especially advantageous for finding a person to bear and raise children with, she said.

Why, then, do small children fall in love if they are not trying to reproduce? Fisher hypothesizes that kids -- even 4-year-olds -- practice at love and learning more about themselves before it begins to become important to them.

Love also has health benefits for people who have aged beyond their reproductive years, she said. Being in love makes people feel optimistic, energetic, focused and motivated, which were all positive for health and societal contribution in the early days of humans, she said. So, it makes sense evolutionarily that people can still fall in love after their childbearing period.

Romance also is good for you. Studies have shown that people who have frequent sex are generally healthier, with a longer life, fewer coronary events and lower blood pressure. A 1995 study in the journal Demography found that marriage adds seven years to a man's life and two years to a woman's.

Loving's team is studying how people who have recently fallen in love respond to stressful situations. They hypothesize that people for whom the love is still new will respond to the stress and recover from it quicker than those who have recently been in a breakup or have been in a relationship for a long time.

"The guess is that when individuals are falling in love, they are walking around with rose-colored glasses," he said.